I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
