I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
