MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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