Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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