There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
hell yes lets make some ravioli
and she was petting her beer can
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
