I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
