Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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