Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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