Just cropdusted the office
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
