you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
