I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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