So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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