All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
