So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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