can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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