You smell like stripper and shame
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
