:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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