I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
