I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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