If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
