You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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