At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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