Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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