i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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