remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize