I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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