dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
