And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
