Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
