I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
