Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
