I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
