you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
