everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
