she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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