its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
