I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
