Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize
