We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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