is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
They took my balls.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
