Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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