It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
