it wasn't lemon gatorade
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
