Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We left an ass print on the piano.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
