What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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