Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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