He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
