She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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