Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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