I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
