That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
