bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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