This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
