If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
