giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
