I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Randomize
