Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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