i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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