the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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