apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I can't turn off my feet"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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