I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
