I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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