no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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