Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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