I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
