I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
