just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
