Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize