I must be too annoying 4 u.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
