I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
