my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
