Where did you get a picture of my penis
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she woke up with a sticky ear
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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