wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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