It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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