Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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