as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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