she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
