i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
