I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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