i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
