I feel great
I just peed on a car
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
