my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
