There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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